Very Funny, Bilbo
by caelum-et-infernum
Summary: "Are you not mad at us, burglar?" Kili asks between mouthfuls. He knows that Bilbo has a short temper at the best of times, and that the further away from the Shire they are, the more agitated Bilbo becomes." /Fili is authoritative, Kili is confused, Bilbo cracks a joke and the ponies are no where to be seen. Just a normal day in middle earth then… drabble-y, barely AU, for funsies


Yo yo yo first ever 'The Hobbit' fic hell yeaaaaah.

This is my entry for 'Let's Draw The Hobbit' project #1. A small written piece based on an image (all the details are on the 'Let's Draw The Hobbit' Tumblr), and with the specified phrase 'there and back again' included in the last line. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Know it? Don't own it.

Unbeta'd and v. quick drabble.

Pretty pretty please review and tell me what you think, I'll love you forever!

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"What do you _mean_, the ponies are gone?"

Bilbo stares incredulously at the two dwarves, switching his line of vision from one to the other with his eyebrows raised.

Fili and Kili stand stock still, waiting for what they assume will be a bout of explosive rage from the small being stood between them. Bilbo's grasp on the two bowls tightens, and he huffs impatiently but is still yet to say anything. He turns his attention away from his two favourite idiots to look at the empty patch of grass where the ponies were once grazing.

Another small noise escapes him, although it sounds more like a chuckle than anything else and Kili eyes him warily, wondering if this would be the thing that finally breaks Bilbo, and sends their burglar back to the Shire. Bilbo returns Kili's gaze with a wan smile and forces the bowl of broth into his hands; pushing it insistently into his chest when he, at first, fails to take it.

Fili watches the exchange with one eyebrow peaked and shakes his head when Bilbo turns and offers a bowl to him too, "we really ought to be looking for the ponies, Bilbo," Fili states, his voice oozing with authority which Bilbo imagines is fabricated as a result of the presence of his younger brother. "Come along Kili!"

Kili quickly shovels spoonful after spoonful of the hot liquid into his mouth, complaining loudly that he is hungry and will _at no point_ form a search party on an empty stomach. Fili simply rolls his eyes and walks away; attempting to work out which way the ponies had gone.

Bilbo imitates Fili's incredulity but instead directs it at the older dwarf's back.

"Are you not mad at us, burglar?" Kili asks between mouthfuls. He knows that Bilbo has a short temper at the best of times, and that the further away from the Shire they are, the more agitated Bilbo becomes. But Bilbo is surprisingly calm in this instance. Too calm even; _wait, has he spat in the food or something..?_

Bilbo catches Kili eyeing the broth suspiciously, "I've not done anything to it!" he protests, holding his free hand up defensively. "I just don't see what being mad will do for any of us in this situation!"

Kili considers retorting with _well, that's never stopped you before_ but instead stays quiet and keeps his gaze focused on Bilbo, and more importantly, that steaming hot bowl of broth that is clutched _ominously_ in his left hand.

_Perhaps_, he thinks smugly, the dwarves good natured temperament has rubbed off on Bilbo, and he and Fili really are in the clear. He allows himself a small, self-satisfied smirk. Bilbo catches him in the act and replies with a half-hearted chuckle and a jokingly malicious smile all of his own, "and at any rate, nothing I could ever do to you would compare to the _mighty wrath_ of Thorin." Bilbo hands the other bowl of broth over to him, winks, and spares one last glance at Fili before spinning around and walking back to camp, all the while internalizing uproarious laughter at the sight of Kili's wide eyed expression.

Although Bilbo is not exactly pleased with this situation, he is more than a little elated that he has managed to glean a laugh or two from it, even if they are his own. In fact, he is so pleased with himself that he momentarily forgets that, without the ponies on their quest to Erebor, he will have to walk **there and back again**.

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Thanks you for taking the time to read. Let me know what you think. :)


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